(Air Date: Week Of 03/26/97)
"B.A.P.S." is a painfully unfunny variation on the classic fish-out-of-water genre but done so badly that, I fear, the genre itself may go extinct as a result.
The story concerns two good-hearted down-home women from Atlanta, Georgia, Nisi, played with spunky conviction a bad blond wig by Halle Berry and Micki, played by newcomer Natalie Desselle, who seems to have been cast soley to play the part of a running sight gag. The ladies are waiting tables while waiting to make their dream of opening a combined restauraunt/beauty salon, come true. Yes, that's my dream, eating where hair clippings are flying near the food I'm about to be served.
Between hauling hash and begging her boyfried to lose the bad perm, Nisi hears about a "Video Dance Girl of the World" contest and becomes convinced that fate has destined her to win the gig and the money that goes with it. Using their life savings for the ticket and to create the most elaborate and dangerous hair-dos since Marie Antoinette, Nisi and Mickey hop a plane to L.A. where they promptly lose the contest but get another offer for a different kind of performance. Instead of a video, Nisi will masquerade as the granddaughter of a reclusive billionaire's lost love. What they don't know is that it's all part of an elaborate scheme to have said billionnaire declared non compos mentis so that his greedy nephew can gain control of the cash. Why he would go to such lengths when he knows perfectly well that Uncle, (Martin Landau reprising his Bela Lugosi look) has only two weeks to live is a plot hole that is never addressed. Of course the girls manage to breathe new, if limited, life into the old boy, save the day, and even manage to win over the crusty butler, played by Ian Richarson as though he were plotting to have a contract put out on his agent.
There was not one original moment or real laugh in "B.A.P.S.". The battle with the bidet routine arrived 15 minutes in and things went downhill from there. As for the heartwarming ending, that did work for me. My heart fairly glowed at the prospect of this movie being over and done with. Condolences to all concerned can be sent care of New Line Cinema.
Copyright 1997 Andrea Chase
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