Movie Review By Pete Dunn
Buddy: Y'know, I been thinkin' about somethin' lately.
Pal: Like what?
Buddy: The movie studios.
Pal: What about the movie studios?
Buddy: I think their plannin' on takin' over the country. They're bein' very subtle about it. They started a few years ago hittin' us for just a couple a bucks here and there, but now, like, it's eight bucks for a movie. Soon, you'll have to mortgage your house to afford the movies, and then they've gotcha!
Pal: Wow! I never thought about that. How'd you figure this out?
Buddy: It came to me while watchin' this movie last week.
Pal: What movie?
Buddy: It's called "Conspiracy Theory" -- ironic, huh? It stars Mel Gibson as a cab driver who really knows all the government cover-ups and stuff, but nobody believes him. Julia Roberts plays this justice department agent who listens to his story when people come after him. Oh, and that guy who plays Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek, he plays the bad guy, and man, is he diabolical. He didn't act anything like that guy he plays on Star Trek. He was really convincing.
Pal: Yeah, so, how does this relate to your movie theater conspiracy? I don't get it.
Buddy: Y'see, it's the ad campaign the studios run. They'd like you to think that Mel's come up with many theories, but only one is correct, and that's why the Patrick Stewart guy is tryin' ta' kill 'em. Man, did they have me fooled. The truth of the matter, is they are trying to kill him for something not related to any theory he's thought of.
Pal: Why are they trying to kill him?
Buddy: Hey, you're gonna' have to shell out the eight, or is that ten, dollars now for the movie.
Pal: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how did you like the movie?
Buddy: Well, it definitely rode like a roller-coaster, and when you're on that coaster, it sure takes you for a wild ride. There are some good plot twists, and Mel does a very credible job as the paranoid cab driver who believes everyone but Roberts is out to get him. Roberts put in a solid performance in her role, and that Stewart guy plays a real scary and intellectual villain in the movie. The movie was intense, had some very good payoffs, some surprises, and kept me guessing when I was watching it, although afterwards I did notice some plot holes, although I tell ya' man: it's a different plot than they advertise!
Pal: So how long before the movie studios take us over?
Buddy: I think the year 2000. Y'see, this computer thing that eveyone's been talkin' about...
Buddy: It's really a ploy by Silicon Valley which has a deal with Industrial Light & Magic.
Pal: You mean they're in on it too?
Buddy: Sure, y'see George Lucas actually runs Hollywood. Him 'n Spielberg. That's why there's all these blockbuster movies out. Anyways, when all the computers are malfunctioning due to the year 2000 conversion and the world is in chaos, the movie studios make their move. Out goes the President and in goes George Lucas.
Pal: Are you sure?
Buddy: Play the scene in "The Empire Strikes Back." Y'know, the one with Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and the Emperor. But play it backwards; it says, "Lucas will be the world dictator."
Pal: Well, what can we do to stop him?
Buddy: Go see "Conspiracy Theory." It's a good movie, and if more people see it, maybe they'll figure this out like we did!!!
© 1997 - Pete Dunn - Air Date: 08/97
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